God Loves my New Lexus

God Loves My New LexusThe sillycool car that parallel parks itself, plus other proof that an uber-deity mocks us allBy Mark Morford

The new 2007 Lexus LS, the ridiculously silent uber-cush ultra-lux Valium-on-wheels hunk of $75,000 Japanese transportation from Toyota's most prestige brand, can now parallel park itself.

Here is the YouTube video. Here is the full breakdown of this car's astounding luxury features. Here is what you do: You pull up alongside the car just in front of a parking space. You put your car in reverse, which activates the rear camera and sensors. A diagram of arrows appears on the nav screen. You indicate where you want the car to go. You press Park and let go of the wheel.

Then: Take a sip of your Remy Martin and send $50,000 to the Republican Party as you silently give thanks to the Gods of Saudi Arabia and megacorporate conglomerates that your tax bracket is so stratospheric that it still affords you a massive V8 luxury automobile in the age of war and oil ravages and unchecked gluttony and the meltdown of Antarctica. The steering wheel starts to spin and the tires start to turn and millions of years of human evolution converge onto a single surreal moment, and in about 10 seconds, the car has parked itself.

And there you have it. Proof of God. Proof that God, clearly, has a wicked sense of humor. Proof that God drinks far, far more heavily than you. Proof that God sees the deep irony of life, and war, and oil, cars, cognac, parking spaces, everything, and laughs demonically. There is simply no other explanation. ...